Welcome to our kitchen stuff section, where you can find the stuff for the bare minimum essentials kinda dude/dudette to make it through another day of culinary torture. Our mugs are designed to make people struggle to find something funny to say. Our water bottles the same and at the very least they're better than drinking straight from the tap.

And as for our apron! We love it. Just a plain old piece of fabric to shield you from the inevitable splatters of failure while setting the proper low expectations. If you are great in the kitchen people will be pleasantly surprised, if not their expectations are met.

So why settle for mediocrity when you can have... well, slightly less mediocrity? Or comfortable mediocrity? Whatever, you do you. Shop now and try not to cry too much when you realize how low your standards have sunk.